Hashing Out the Cash

Even in the healthiest families, money matters can stir up mud. Use the following steps to keep discussions of the green stuff from clouding over your planning process.

When it’s their money: If your folks are pitching in to help pay the wedding bills or–lucky, lucky–foot the entire tab, then you’re probably breathing easy about the budget. On the other hand, you may be choking on the close-quarter financial discussions. Try these approaches:

• Do your research. Before talking over the total budget or particular price tags, do some thorough homework. Friends, vendors, and Web sites can help you project probable costs, so your folks know you’re being realistic.
• Don’t hedge. Try not to beat around the bush about the cost of the wedding features you’re dreaming of. Be clear from the start, and everyone will be in step on how close the budget comes.
• Treat them as partners. Even if your tastes are at opposite poles, find ways to include them in the planning. It’s simple respect to ask their opinions if they’re signing the checks. And it probably won’t hurt to play a little Rachmaninoff if your mom adores it.

When it’s your money: Even couples who pay their own way occasionally have to deal with family members chiming in about how the budget has been laid out. When the opinions are piling up, remember these three rules to live by:

• Pick your battles. Not every comment has to escalate into a cosmic disagreement. Choose carefully, and let the rest roll off your back.
• Hear them out. Let your dad explain why he’s set against an open bar or techno DJ. He may have a point. If not, you’re making a fully informed decision.
• Draw boundaries. If the meddling is coming fast and furious, be clear about your boundaries. Include them in planning that has nothing to do with the budget or let them know plainly that money talk is off limits.

Whether it’s your hard-earned cash or theirs, set realistic goals and spending caps–and stick to the budget. If you’re feeling clean of conscience and calm about money, you’re much less likely to be touchy when the subject comes up.

– Emily Bedard, Amazon.com Wedding Expert

Tags: Family Member, Wedding